neumu [ cinematronic ]




	The Musketeer
	Peter Hyams Justin Chambers, Mena Suvari, Stephen Rea, Tim Roth, Catherine Deneuve, Jean-Pierre Castaldi 2001 Widescreen; closed caption; theatrical trailer, production notes.		A terrible attempt at a cinematic reconception of the classic Alexandre Dumas novel "The Three Musketeers." The swordplay is done with wires in the gravity-defying style of Hong Kong martial-arts movies, and the incongruity is beyond jarring. Pretty-boy actor Justin Chambers ("The Wedding Planner") is way out of his league as D'Artagnan, the fourth musketeer, and nubile Mena Suvari ("American Beauty") is miscast as his love interest, a young chambermaid who is also (heh!) the Queen of France's secret confidante. Their line deliveries are ineffectual — not that the stilted dialogue sings in the least. The cast includes otherwise respectable actors: Stephen Rea ("The Crying Game") as the evil Cardinal Richelieu, Tim Roth ("Planet of the Apes") as the even more evil leader of the cardinal's murderous black-clad brigade, and Catherine Deneuve as the Queen. But it matters not, because the movie doth suck in a manner most unpleasing.